A SERIOUSLY Messed Up School!
by All4thebasilisk
Summary: Naruto and others in an ordinary high school... they're totally average... if you discount their personalities! AU, some OOC but not much. THE ULTIMATE CROSSOVER!
1. Homeroom

He dashed off the bus, glancing at his watch as he ran. There was no way he was going to be late for his first day of school! The teacher was probably already in the classroom.

The bell rang as he pushed open the double doors. Wincing, he jogged down the hall to where he knew his locker was. Taped to it was his schedule. He grabbed it and a notebook, and raced down to room 106.

Peeking through the window of the door, he saw (to his relief) that the teacher was late, too. He flung open the door, making two girls in front jump.

"You idiot!" one yelled at him. "Don't do that! Anyway, you're late."

He squinted at her. His first impulse was to make a snide comment, but when he saw her face, he stopped. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever met. He was in love.

"Hey! Hey, what's your name?" he demanded.

"Haruno Sakura," she responded haughtily. Then she turned to speak to the girl next to her.

"Don't you want to know my name?" he asked.

"No."

He sighed and slid into a seat in the back row. The boy who was sitting next to him turned.

"Tough luck with Sakura-chan?" the boy asked. He nodded. "I had the same problem. She's only got eyes for the pretty-boy in the corner." He nodded toward the other back corner, where a black-haired boy sat. This boy was rather good looking, and sat hunched over as though he was too good for any of the other students. "By the way, my name's Rock Lee. Yours?"

Immediately, he underwent a change. A smile spread across his face, and he jumped up on his chair. "I," he proclaimed, "am Uzumaki Naruto!"

"That's very nice," came a dry voice from the doorway. "Now that we know your name, why don't you sit down?"

Naruto turned to the door, and saw a man who was obviously the teacher. He had prematurely gray hair, but still looked young and wise all at once.

"You're late," he accused the teacher,

"So I am," the teacher said, rubbing his head, "Well, I couldn't possibly break my tradition of being late for the first day- or any day, for that matter." He stared up at Naruto. "Now sit down!"

Naruto sat. The teacher began to take attendance. "Chouji!" A boy across the room gulped down a cookie before answering. "Dosu!"

"Gaara!" A guy with freaky eyes nodded at the teacher. Naruto shuddered. He didn't like the look of that spook…

"Haku… Hinata… Ino… Kabuto…" The boy on the other side of Naruto raised a hand. Naruto grinned at him, and the boy smiled back. "Kankuro… Kin… Lee… Misumi… Naruto."

"What's your name?" Naruto demanded. The teacher ignored him.

"Sakura… Sasuke… Shikamaru… Shino… Temari… Tenten… Yoroi… Zaku. That's everyone," the teacher finished. "Was anyone left out?"

"I was," said a voice from where on the other side of Kabuto. "I'm Hyuuga Neji. You were probably told about me before."

The teacher nodded. "Along with two others, Neji. Don't get too full of yourself."

"Two others!" Neji jerked. "Who?"

"If they want to publicize themselves, I'm sure they will," the teacher snapped. He turned toward the rest of the class. "By the way, my name's Kakashi. I like these." He flipped a book out of his pocket and flashed it past the students. Naruto only caught sight of a big red "x" on the back cover. "And I HATE snotnosed students with superiority complexes!" Naruto cringed, and he was pretty sure that Neji was doing the same two seats down.

The bell rang, and Lee and Naruto hastily collected their things and ran out.

"What d'you have next?" Lee asked. Naruto scanned his schedule.

"I've got Chemistry, with Professor Snape, in Lab Two. You?"

"I've got him fourth. Now, I have computers with some guy named Inui." His expression turned brooding. "Wonder what Sakura-chan has."

Naruto clapped him on the back playfully. "Hopefully, Chemistry! Now, don't let it get you down."

The two boys parted, and Naruto headed toward the lab, not prepared for what would happen there…

AN: Well, that's chappie one! I've got about six or seven more written out, but I just need to motivate myself to type 'em out and get online. Hopefully, I'll find time once a week or so! Any, as you've probably guessed, this isn't only a Naruto story. I've included so far: Naruto, Rebirth, the King of Hell, Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, The Coalition, Animorphs, Remnants, and a teeny bit of the Prince of Tennis. Some characters are slightly obscure, but they all come from one of these series. Also, to avoid confusion during attendance, they're all called alphabetically by first name. Any questions? Comments? Review!

I don't own anything- these series belong to: whoever writes Naruto, Woo, whoever writes KOH, George Lucas (I guess), Gene Roddenberry (?), Basi Lisker (or Marc/Marc's black), K.A. Applegate, J.K. Rowling, and whoever wrote POT.

REVIEW!

Preview to next Chapter: Naruto makes some friends and discovers how diabolical a Chemistry teacher can be- faced with the likes of Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy and -scream in background- NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! (Don't worry, not only HP)


	2. Chem

A/N: I'd just like to thank the person who just reviewed this story. I'm the type of person who'll put the first chapter of a story on the net, then continue it based on whether or not I get reviews. This particular story is different in that I have already written the whole thing, but never bothered to put it online since no one was interested in it. I see that a lot of people look at it, but no one really reviewed it, so I basically forgot all about it. Now that I see that _someone's_ reading it, I'll just put it online, since why not? Those of you who have been reading it, please review! The more reviews I get, the faster the next chapter comes up!

…Naruto and Lee parted, and Naruto headed for the lab. It was locked, and he stood outside the door with the others, searching for a familiar face. He recognized the red-haired boy from homeroom, and also two girls speaking quietly.

"Hey, you!" Naruto walked over to the boy. "I don't remember your name, but I know that you're from my homeroom class. I'm Uzumaki Naruto!"

The boy regarded him coldly. "I don't care."

Naruto tried to glare back, but the boy just looked away, bored. Sighing, he went over to the girls.

"Hey! Hey! I remember your names!" he said, delighted. "You're Haku, and the other girl…" he furrowed his eyebrows. The other girl blushed deep red and looked down.

Haku laughed, a tinkling sound that rang out as pure. "Actually, I'm a boy, but lots of people make that mistake. Hinata did, too." The blushing girl nodded, still not meeting Naruto's eyes.

"No way! You're the girliest-looking boy I've ever met," Naruto said, astounded.

"Oh, that's sweet," spoke up a snide voice from behind him. Naruto spun around. A Hispanic boy with a sneer on his face stood over him. "Every guy loves to be called a girl, huh, Haku?"

"It's okay. I don't min-" Haku began.

"Marco! Shut up and stop butting into others' business!" snapped a voice. A blond girl who was very tall looked at Naruto apologetically. "Sorry, Uzumaki; he was out of line. I'm Rachel."

"Ah! Teacher's here!" Haku said suddenly. They all turned.

Their professor was rather tall, and a little pale, as though he had been indoors for a tad too long. He had long, matted black hair that hung down just past flashing black eyes, and a nose so hooked he looked more like a toucan than a teacher. Professor Snape looked very intimidating, and they all fell silent, suddenly uncomfortable.

"Follow me, class." He ordered, unlocking the lab door. Haku and Naruto exchanged glances, then nervously followed him in.

"I have requested a small class, so that there will be fewer numbskulls who will blow up the lab," Snape began presently. "Which numbskull will be first to show off his meager skills?"

Naruto nearly choked. "I'll go!" he offered bravely, mainly because Marco had him in a headlock, and he'd have done anything to get away.

Those black, black eyes swiveled to Naruto. "Your name?"

"Er… Uzumaki Naruto!" he stated proudly. "I'm about as much of a numbskull as you can get!"

Hinata giggled, and Snape glared at her until she fell silent, red again. "That's minus five for your cheek, Naruto."

"Guess I'll just have a negative-five average," Naruto said flippantly. Snape looked murderous.

Right on cue, the door opened, and two kids fell in. one was tall and gangling with bright orange hair, and the other had jet-black hair, bright green eyes, glasses, and a scar on his forehead that resembled a lightning bolt.

"Sorry we're late," the latter panted. Then he looked at the teacher and froze. All traces of a smile had left his face. "N-not you!" he stuttered.

"Have a seat, Weasley," Snape snapped at the redhead. "Naruto, sit down. Looks like we've got a bigger numbskull in the class. Potter!" he barked. The black-haired boy, resigned, walked over to the teacher's desk.

"You called?"

"Potter and Weasley, along with two other students in this class, had me as their elementary school teacher. I can assure you, Potter and the lab are the most lethal mixture I've ever seen," Snape told the class.

One kid laughed appreciatively. "Good one, Professor!"

Snape graced him with a smile, then rounded on the rest of the class. "Is Draco the only one who understood that pun? You're all hopeless, event the so-called 'advanced student' I've been told is sitting here."

The redhead from Naruto's homeroom spoke up blankly. "A mixture is a chemical term for two elements combined into one, such as polyatomic ions." (A/N: I wrote this story while I was taking chem, but now I have now idea if anything I say here is true or if I was just making things up. Don't mind any errors!)

"Good, Gaara. I did hope we had one less numbskull than usual." Snape looked around the classroom. "First things first. Attendance! Draco- here of course."

The boy who had laughed earlier smiled sweetly. "Of course. Father specifically requested that I have your class."

"Haku!" Haku raised a hand.

"Potter!" Potter, still standing n front of Snape's desk, squirmed. Snape glared at him. "Sit down, Potter!"

"Hinata…Marco…Mo'steel…Neville…" Snape dropped the sheet, looking deathly pale. "I was afraid of this…not Longbottom…tell me it's a different Longbottom."

A boy in the back squeaked in fear. Snape turned to him, and started to cough. "What did I do to deserve this?" Snape demanded hoarsely. Naruto nervously edged forward, away from the kid. What was so scary about him?"

"Naruto," Snape said finally, and Naruto jumped.

"Here, and ready to learn!"

"Shut up. Rachel…Weasley…Vergere…Gaara. Everyone's here." He turned to Potter. "Potter! Let's see how much you know. What do you get when you mix three hydrogen molecules with an oxygen one?" Potter shrugged.

Snape frowned. "What will happen when you heat hydrated crystals? What is a mole?"

Potter slid down in his seat. "No clue."

"And now we see, class, the biggest idiot of all. Gaara!" Gaara blinked. "Answer the questions Potter could not!"

"Hydronium is made of three hydrogen and one oxygen. The crystals will turn white, and a mole is a number, also known as Avogadro's number, and is depicted as 61023." He fell silent, and Naruto wondered about the quiet genius who looked as though he wanted them all dead.

Neville moaned, and Naruto turned to look at the boy. He had been trying to take notes with a leaky pen, and some ink had gotten all over his hands and clothing.

"Longbottom, get yourself cleaned up," Snape snapped. "Class dismissed."

The bell rang then, and Naruto checked his schedule.

"Shoot…PE with some guy who refers to himself as Master. Sounds entertaining…"

_Next up:_

_Naruto: Finally, a class I can ace!_

_Vergere: I don't think so. Did you see that guy Rett? He's thirty times your size!_

_Naruto: Obviously size doesn't matter- look at our teacher! He's …what? Two feet tall? And he's green. What kind of class is this, anyway?_

_Vergere: He's an excellent teacher, despite his size. And don't underestimate Master Yoda…_


	3. Phys Ed

…The bell rang then, and Naruto checked his schedule.

"Shoot…PE with some guy who refers to himself as Master. Sounds entertaining."

"It will be," Vergere said from in front of him. "Master Yoda is a midget."

"You know the guy?" Naruto yelped. "I hate PE- and especially with a dude with delusions of grandeur."

"Master Yoda does NOT have delusions of grandeur. He is a certified master of his art," Vergere told Naruto as they walked downstairs to the gym.

Oh, I'm sure he's certifiable," Naruto muttered. "Master, indeed!"

Vergere just rolled her eyes and pushed open the door to the gym.

"Owww…that hurt!" said a guy standing inside, rubbing his nose where the door had slammed into it. Naruto looked up- and up- and up! This was one guy who wouldn't have trouble in PE! He was about six feet tall, and had more muscles than Professor Snape had attitude!

"S-sorry," Vergere gulped. "We didn't mean-"

"S'okay," the guy said, smiling. "I know." He held out a meaty hand. "Rett Butler." (AN: NOT the guy from Gone With the Wind! He's from Rebirth- if you don't know who he is, it doesn't really matter.)

"Vergere of the Fosh."

"Uzumaki Naruto!"

Rett wrinkled his nose. "Oh, yes. The loud one. I heard you introducing yourself to someone during homeroom from down the hall."

"Good!" Naruto was pleased. "Now everyone will know my name!"

"Whatever…" Rett turned to the front of the gym. "Have you seen our teacher? He's-"

"-A great man!" Vergere put in angrily. "Why do you mock him so?"

"We-ell… he's so short… and… er… an interesting way of talking, he has, eh?"

"So? Maybe he thinks you speak strangely," said another stranger, walking up behind Rett. "Anyway, it's just not correct to mock someone because of how he looks or acts."

"Hello to you, too, um…" Rett started.

"Hermione. Hermione Granger." She frowned at them all. "You should be a bit more considerate of others. Two of these kids I know were once speaking about me, and because of that, all three of us got into big trouble."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "If getting into trouble is all that happens when you speak about someone else, then I'm not worried. I get into more trouble then you have pimples!"

Hermione glared at him and stormed away.

"That was pretty nasty," Rett said calmly. "Some people ARE sensitive, even if you aren't one of them."

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked.

"Are you BLIND?" snapped Sakura, who had been listening to the conversation, mostly because Rett's huge frame was blocking the doorway. "You brought attention to her acne! You have no social skills."

"I resent that! Naruto responded, brain working furiously to think of something clever to say. Being Naruto, he failed miserably, of course.

"Brilliant. Simply brilliant." A girl walked up to them. She gestured to Naruto. "Who's the genius?"

Naruto was about to announce himself for the fifth time that day, when he saw the girl's features a little better. "What happened to your face?" he gaped. One half of her face seemed to have melted downwards, ruining the otherwise perfection of her face.

She smiled-at least the right side of her face did. "Like it? It's from a…fire," she ended lamely and thoughtfully.

"It's rather brave of you to wear it so proudly," Hermione spoke up, rejoining them as the group began to walk toward to front of the gym. "I'd probably wear a mask or something."

"Thanks. It's more of an act of defiance, really." The girl grinned. "2Face Hwang."

"Hermione Granger."

Everyone went through the usual introductions, and then the second bell rang.

"Begin, class will now. Come to the corner of the room, everyone should. Hmm? Hmm?" a voice rang out.

"Master Yoda!" Vergere hurried over to a little old man who was standing on the other side of the huge gym. "Happy to see you, I am… I mean, I'm happy to see you!"

"Ah, glad to see you, as well, I am, Vergere. Meet you must two other old pupils of mine in this class they are- Mara and Barriss are they."

Two girls sitting on the bleachers waved.

"Now, attendance I must take. Raise your hand you must when your name I call. 2Face…Aximili…Barriss…Data…Faramir…Hermione…Legolas…Mara…Naruto…Neji…Rett…Sakura…Sasuke…Tobias…Vergere…Young. Everyone that is."

"Is it?" Rett asked innocently. Naruto stifled a snicker, and Hermione glared.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Grow up," he muttered, just loud enough for Naruto to hear.

Naruto steamed, and glared at Sasuke. "Keep your comments to yourself," he hissed. Master Yoda heard, and gave Naruto a look. Sakura heard, and gave Naruto a knuckle sandwich.

"Now begin the basketball game we will," Yoda announced. "On team one will be Naruto, Vergere, Sakura, Barriss, Mara, Legolas, Aximili, and Data. Team two all the others will be on, hmm?"

The game went by very quickly. Sasuke, Rett, Neji, and Young were much better than anyone on Naruto's team. Legolas and Mara put up a good fight, but they were no match for Rett and Young's perfect aim and teamwork. By the end of the game, Naruto was ready to strangle Sasuke, who seemed to derive great pleasure at tossing the ball only over Naruto's head.

"What a nightmare," he groaned to Haku at their next class- math, taught by one Mr. Riddle…

_Next up:_

_Naruto: I've finally met someone as hyperactive as me!_

_Majeh: Say what? I'm not as stupid as you… but you seem okay…_

_Naruto: I may be okay, but what kind of teacher is this? Torturing students, extra detention…and a double period!_

_Majeh: Will any of us make it to lunch…?_

Your reviews keep me writing!


	4. Math

"...What a nightmare," he groaned to Haku at their next class- math, taught by one Mr. Riddle.

Naruto didn't know what the teacher was like, except that he was seated at the desk with a ferocious growl on his face.

Only six other students were there so far: Sakura, who had refused to let Naruto walk her to class; a pretty girl who introduced herself as Lilith Servino; Ino, who seemed to involved in a glaring battle with Sakura; the dark and mysterious Gaara; and two black-haired, pointy-eared girls who sat huddled in the corner, speaking with one another.

The door burst open, and Harry Potter stumbled in. "Sorry I'm la-" he began, then caught sight of this teacher and promptly fainted. Riddle's eyes glittered, and he kicked Potter to the side.

"Pretty rough," Lilith whispered, staring down at Potter with a sudden nervousness. Naruto couldn't help but agree.

A second later, the door was flung open, and a redheaded boy whose eyes glittered with mischief barged in. He offered no apologies for being late, though Riddle asked for none.

"Who are you?" Naruto demanded.

He crossed his arms and proclaimed proudly, "I am Majeh of the Next World!" Naruto's eyes widened. That kid… sounded like him! Majeh looked back at him. "And you are…?"

"I," Naruto said, in usual form, "am Uzumaki Naruto! And I think I like you!"

"Whatever," Majeh said dismissively. "You seem okay, too."

The door clanged open, and a boy who, like Haku, seemed to have female characteristics, jogged in. "Long walk," he panted to Riddle, who merely nodded and twiddled his fingers. The boy/girl looked around the room, and spotting the two chattering girls, headed over to them. "Hey Selar! Looking good! You too, Soleta, he added as an afterthought.

"Hey, Burgy," the second girl, who seemed to be Soleta, said. Selar just rolled her eyes and nodded.

After Burgy, a host of interesting and unknown students strolled in in ones and twos. Zaku and Kankurou, seemingly inseparable friends. Hyur'ah, who made Majeh shudder. Two snobby good-looking kids, Amelia and Duncan, closely followed by a friendly girl named Tate. Viqi, who tried to sweet-talk Naruto into switching seats with her. Cassie, who seemed way insecure when she stumbled into the room. And B'Elanna, who spoke to none but scowled at all.

Harry Potter finally came to, only to be smashed in the face by the door as it slammed open. A short, husky guy stormed in. "Did we miss anything?"

Legolas, who was standing right behind him laughed softly. "Gimli, you miss everything- it passes over your head!"

Gimli spun around. "If anyone less than one of my closest friends had said that, he would die by my hand by nightfall!"

"Or mine," Legolas observed wryly.

"Or mine," added a boy behind them. He had ruggedly handsome features, and a frown that seemed only too natural on his dark face.

The trio walked past Naruto, Majeh, and Haku, and Majeh apparently couldn't resist sticking out a foot to trip the midget, Gimli. The little guy toppled head over heels in a truly comical performance. That is, until it ended.

Naruto only saw a flash of blond hair and long legs pass by him before Majeh let out a strangled shout. His entire head jerked backwards, and when everything slowed down enough to see, Majeh sported a very bloodied nose, and Legolas was calmly cleaning his knuckles with some Kleenex.

"You…you…!" Naruto gasped, searching for words. He turned to where Riddle's desk was, with the latter's feet resting comfortably on it. "Mr. Riddle! Blondie just mutilated my buddy! Riddle rolled his eyes, bored.

"Haku, you may take the kid to the nurse's office. Legolas, if you're going to beat the nuisance up, then save it for after class. I'm teaching now."

Haku jumped up and helped Majeh out of the room, and everyone else straightened up. Math was a double period, so in this class, they'd actually have time to learn something.

But all they learned was that Riddle was a sadist.

He called on his first volunteer- poor, poor Abumi Zaku. Even though Zaku had seemed pretty nasty, Naruto felt sorry for his classmate when Riddle stuck two nails between Zaku's finger's and started hammering.

When Riddle finished nailing Zaku to the bulletin board, he turned to the rest of the class. "Do you understand? The left hand is coordinates (-8, 2). The right hand is at (8, 2). The nose is the midpoint, about (0,2)." The whole class nodded nervously, trying not to think about what would happen if they didn't understand.

His next problem also required a volunteer, and as no one, not even Naruto, was offering to come up, Riddle chose Lilith. "For this problem, we're going to use the 'y axis'." He hung Lilith from the top of the board, drew a dot on her forehead in red ink, and was about to mark her shoes when someone slammed into him.

"Hey! Sorry we're late," the guy started. He was wearing a coat about six sized too big, and it cloaked him completely from the light. All Naruto could see were shiny white teeth that were bared at Mr. Riddle. "Get your filthy hands off of Lilith!" he roared!

Riddle's eyes narrowed, and the tall boy who came in after the hooded guy saw this. "Desh," he started quietly, "it's fine. Right, Lilith?" he said pointedly to the girl.

"Y-yeah, Desh," Lilith said, lying through her teeth. "I'm fine. Mr. Riddle is just doing a math problem."

"And maybe for the next one, we'll play division with you, Deshwitat." Riddle's lips curled.

Deshwitat growled low in his throat, but sat down beside his friend, glaring at Riddle.

The bell rang for lunch, and Riddle held up a hand. "Time for detention!" He grinned evilly…

_Next up:_

_Naruto: I can't believe it! It's finally lunch, and I have to spend half of it in detention!_

_Siri: And we would've been happier if you'd stayed in detention…_

_Naruto: What are you? Lee's girlfriend or something?_

_Siri: You're so annoying!_

_Naruto: Well, at least Mr. Riddle likes me now… almost makes up for having to hang around you…_


End file.
